‘I waited patiently
for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy
pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place
to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will
see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.” (Psalm
40:1-3, NIV)
“Florida is famous for its sinkholes.
I personally find them fascinating since I grew up in Texas where most holes
are made intentionally. As I studied these overnight wonders, an interesting
explanation emerged. Scientists assert that sinkholes occur when the
underground resources gradually dry up, causing the surface soil to lose its
underlying support. Everything simply caves in -- forming an ugly pit.
Depression and sinkholes have a lot in
common. Depression seems to overwhelm with a vicious suddenness when it is
actually the result of a malignant and constant process. Inner resources are
slowly depleted until one day there is nothing left. The world caves in and
darkness reigns.
Depression is America's number one
health problem. Someone once called it 'a dark tunnel without a ray of
light' while cartoonists portray it as a 'little black cloud hovering
overhead."' I have a friend who says, 'Some days you're the bug. Some
days you're the windshield.' Many believe depression is simply a spiritual
problem while others insist it is an emotional and physical disorder. I think
they are all right. Studies indicate that over half of all women and one out of
three men struggle with depression on a regular basis. Because no one is immune
to the darkness, we must learn to face it honestly, with emotional integrity.
That moment came for me in the spring
of 1995 when I realized that something was drastically wrong. I was empty and
completely exhausted. It seemed as if I had been living in the fast and furious
lane forever. Overwhelmed, I mentally listed the demands on my life:
Serving as pastor's wife in a large
and fast-growing church
Raising two young children
Maintaining a hectic speaking schedule
Directing the Women's Ministry of our
church
Teaching a weekly and monthly Bible
study
Counseling women in crisis
Playing the piano for three worship
services
Teaching twenty piano and voice
students
No wonder I was struggling. I was just
plain tired. Being a perfectionist, I had always been very strong, driven to
excel with little sympathy for weak people. Now I, the strong one, couldn't get
out of bed. Getting dressed by the time my children returned from school meant
it was a good day. The simplest decisions sent me into a panic and the thought
of facing crowds was overwhelming. Many times, I walked to the front door of
the church but couldn't go in. I felt guilty missing services but couldn't
handle the sympathetic looks and questioning stares as I stood, weeping
uncontrollably. I was paralyzed, imprisoned in a bottomless pit where
loneliness and despair reigned, wreaking emotional havoc from their throne of
darkness. I had no idea how I had gotten there and what was even more
frightening was the fact that I had no idea how to escape. I did the only thing
I could do. I cried out to God.
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to
me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of
the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a
firm place to stand." (Psalm
40:1-2, NIV)
With that single heart cry, my journey
from darkness into light began. The first step was to recognize the factors
that can trigger depression; a lack of replenishing relationships, various
chemical imbalances, and a poor self-image, just to name a few. One of the most
common and deadly factors is failure to deal with the past. The 'mire' mentioned in Psalm 40:2 means 'sediment at the bottom.' When our
children were small, we frequented the beach. Wading out into the ocean, they
took turns pushing a beach ball under the water and counting to see who could
hold the ball down for the longest time. Eventually their arms would tire, or
the ball would escape their control, popping to the surface. The
'mire' in our lives is like that beach ball. The 'sediment'
or 'junk' that we have never dealt with settles at the bottom of our
souls, randomly popping up until we run out of energy to keep it submerged.
Eventually, this mire works its way to the surface, spilling ugliness and
darkness into every part of life.
‘Mire’ comes in all shapes and sizes
-- buried pain, unresolved anger, hidden sin or a devastating loss. I had never
really dealt with my mother's death or faced some very painful parts of my
past. As I looked back over my life, a startling realization came -- I had
painted a picture in my heart and mind of how I wanted my childhood to be, not
how it really was. I had spent my whole life running from the past by filling
the present with frenzied activity. In the following weeks and months, the Lord
and I sifted through the enormous pile of "mire" that had settled
into my spirit and life. Together we faced experiences that I had carefully
locked away until they slammed into my heart and mind with breathtaking force
and fresh pain; an alcoholic father, the trusted family doctor who molested me,
times of loneliness and rejection, haunting failures, unreasonable fears that
were never spoken. It seemed as if the flood of polluted memories would never
end!
But God is good -- providing a defense
mechanism for those experiences that are beyond our ability to face. He gently
tucks them away until we are ready. When we bury pain alive, it keeps popping
up at unexpected moments. Pain must be dealt with and buried ... dead! Freedom
from the pit of darkness demands a confrontation of our past, straining every
experience through the truth that 'all' things work together for our
good. The will of God admits no defeat and penalizes no one. We can allow our
past to defeat us or empower us. Harnessing the power of the past is a
compelling weapon in the war against darkness.
Let’s
Pray
Father, I am so tired and so afraid
of the darkness in my life. Right now, I cry out to You. Please help me deal
with the mud and mire in my past. Heal my heart and soul and mind. I want to
trust You, Lord. I am no longer willing to be a prisoner of my past. Show me
the sins I need to confess and turn away from. Heal the wounds that have hurt
for so long. I lay my past at Your feet and ask You to make it a cornerstone
for the new life I can have in You. I choose to believe You will work it all
together for Your glory and my good.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.”
“Hear my cry, O God’
Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart
is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Ps.
61:1, 2 NKJV)
jowildflowers@gmail.com jean-oathout.blogspot.com Tomorrow’s post:
COMING OUT OF THE DARK PART 2 by Mary Southerland
COMING OUT OF THE DARK PART 2 by Mary Southerland
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