“In Sunday school, I memorized many Scripture passages about fear, and I learned to draw on them when afraid.”
(The following are excerpts from “Facing Fear”, taken from Life Savors, Savory Stories to Inspire Your Soul, page 25.)
Cindy Hval had a baby boy who was born with “congenital diaphragmatic hernia, a life-threatening birth defect with a 50-80 percent mortality rate.
Early in gestation, a hole in his diaphragm had not closed as it should have. His intestinal organs had pushed into his lung cavity, squashing his developing lungs.
Early in gestation, a hole in his diaphragm had not closed as it should have. His intestinal organs had pushed into his lung cavity, squashing his developing lungs.
He was flown by helicopter to a local hospital immediately after birth. He looked beautiful and healthy… As the crew wheeled him away, the flight nurse turned to me.
‘You need to understand that your baby is very, very sick,’ she said. ‘The next time you see him, he won’t look like this.’
‘You need to understand that your baby is very, very sick,’ she said. ‘The next time you see him, he won’t look like this.’
Numbed and exhausted, I pulled my Bible out of my overnight bag.
Too overwhelmed to read, I opened it to Psalms and laid it on my chest, hoping to gain comfort from the nearness of its pages.
‘Lord, you are asking me to face the one thing I cannot face. But if your plan for me is to experience the disability or death of my son, you will have to help me—this is too big for me.’
Too overwhelmed to read, I opened it to Psalms and laid it on my chest, hoping to gain comfort from the nearness of its pages.
‘Lord, you are asking me to face the one thing I cannot face. But if your plan for me is to experience the disability or death of my son, you will have to help me—this is too big for me.’
The following morning I went to see my baby, Sam.
I’m not sure what could have prepared me for the sight of my child that day.
He was in a medically induced coma, so fragile that that the touch of my finger on his toe raised his blood pressure to a critical level.
We had to whisper because the sound of our voices was too stressful for his delicate system.
We could only wait to see if he would stabilize so he could have the surgery he desperately needed.
I went home that night and saw his empty cradle at the foot of our bed. I cried.
I’m not sure what could have prepared me for the sight of my child that day.
He was in a medically induced coma, so fragile that that the touch of my finger on his toe raised his blood pressure to a critical level.
We had to whisper because the sound of our voices was too stressful for his delicate system.
We could only wait to see if he would stabilize so he could have the surgery he desperately needed.
I went home that night and saw his empty cradle at the foot of our bed. I cried.
I thought fear was a familiar foe, but it was nothing compared to the mind-numbing, energy-sapping battle I now found myself engaged in.
Surgery had corrected Sam’s birth defect, but risks and complications are associated with this particular disorder. He had just one lung.
The doctors were cautiously optimistic; I was unabashedly terrified.
The doctors were cautiously optimistic; I was unabashedly terrified.
A winter storm was raging the last day of 1999. I drove slowly to the corner grocery to get some medicine for Sam, made my purchase, and dashed back to the car.
As I sat behind the wheel, the nameless dread rose within me, and all the fear I thought I’d conquered broke over me in waves of terror.
As I sat behind the wheel, the nameless dread rose within me, and all the fear I thought I’d conquered broke over me in waves of terror.
I couldn’t live another minute dreading Sam’s death.
In the deserted parking lot, I cried out to God. Did I really believe God was good? All these years I’d tried so hard to trust him.
But fear and faith can’t exist side by side. I’d struggled so many years to be free, yet when it came to what was most precious to me, I found I really didn’t trust God after all.
But fear and faith can’t exist side by side. I’d struggled so many years to be free, yet when it came to what was most precious to me, I found I really didn’t trust God after all.
I began to speak aloud Scripture I’d memorized as a child. And I prayed, ‘O God, I choose to believe that you are good even though you’re allowing me to walk through my deepest fear.
I know your character as revealed through your Word. It is impossible for you to do evil. If you choose to take Sam from me, I promise you I will say, ‘The Lord gave me what I had, and Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!’
I know your character as revealed through your Word. It is impossible for you to do evil. If you choose to take Sam from me, I promise you I will say, ‘The Lord gave me what I had, and Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!’
There, I had spoken it. My fear was exposed and lying before me in the cold winter light.
And I knew that even if Sam were to die, I would live.
And I knew that even if Sam were to die, I would live.
Peace descended as I sat in the snow-covered parking lot. The knot in my stomach eased for the first time since Sam’s birth.
I would not let fear steal one more minute from me. Whatever the years brought, I would choose to face them with faith instead of fear.
I would not let fear steal one more minute from me. Whatever the years brought, I would choose to face them with faith instead of fear.
I drove home and welcomed the year 2000 with my family. We were the first ones in the urgent-care clinic the next morning.
After a careful exam, the pediatrician said, ‘This little guy’s got his first ear infection.’ I wept with relief.
After a careful exam, the pediatrician said, ‘This little guy’s got his first ear infection.’ I wept with relief.
That same week, Sam’s surgeon requested new X-rays and made an amazing discover.
At the time of his surgery, X-rays had revealed a few tiny pieces of tissue called lung ‘buds’ where his left lung should have been.
The doctors hoped that during the next fourteen years, these buds would grow enough to form a partially functioning lung.
The new X-rays showed that only three months later, God was answering prayers that I couldn’t even pray.
Sam had miraculously grown a fully functioning left lung.
At the time of his surgery, X-rays had revealed a few tiny pieces of tissue called lung ‘buds’ where his left lung should have been.
The doctors hoped that during the next fourteen years, these buds would grow enough to form a partially functioning lung.
The new X-rays showed that only three months later, God was answering prayers that I couldn’t even pray.
Sam had miraculously grown a fully functioning left lung.
I can’t say I never struggled with fear again, but faith is like a muscle that grows stronger when exercised.
Then circumstances arise that make my faith shaky, I sit down with a photo album.
I look at the pictures of a baby with tubes and monitors attached to every part of his body, and then I go to the window and look outside at the sturdy seven-year-old roughhousing with his brothers.
I serve a God who loves me enough to turn my weaknesses into strength. The name we’d chosen for his son before his birth is so appropriate—Samuel, ‘God has heard.’ ”
Then circumstances arise that make my faith shaky, I sit down with a photo album.
I look at the pictures of a baby with tubes and monitors attached to every part of his body, and then I go to the window and look outside at the sturdy seven-year-old roughhousing with his brothers.
I serve a God who loves me enough to turn my weaknesses into strength. The name we’d chosen for his son before his birth is so appropriate—Samuel, ‘God has heard.’ ”
This post was originally posted 12/11/11
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