Thoughts for Life: Wounded. Broken. Abused.

Tammie Johnson lets us see into her background, of where she was, and where she is now.

“When I was very young, I was wounded, broken, and abused at home. I was angry, scared, and very much alone.

I wasn’t allowed to have friends, and couldn’t spend nights with anyone. No one could come and spend the night at my house. I was isolated, probably because of the abuse.

At school I was failing, acting out, and withdrawn. I was called ugly names like stupid, retarded, and dog face. I hated those names.

As I grew into my teen years, I was very insecure. I was angry with everyone who was suppose to love and be there for me, but weren't.

I can remember many days coming home from school, and locking myself in the bathroom, crying so hard I could hardly breathe.

In silence, I suffered alone. I would sit down or drop to my knees and look up at God and say, ‘Why am I going through this?’ and begging Him ‘to ‘please just let me die! Take me to heaven. Please let me die!’

But each time He wouldn’t let me. And I didn’t know why.

My stomach was twisted in knots from crying so hard, that I threw up a couple of times.

I carried drugs and alcohol into my adult life to numb the pain, until I could see that the next day I was more depressed than the day before, and sadder than I had been.

When that didn’t work, I started lashing out with anger and determined to beat up the world.

I started getting tattoos, because the outside pain seemed to make the inside pain go away, but only for a moment, like the drugs. And alcohol didn’t work either. I was just marked up.

I hurt all the people around me. Even the ones I loved.

Then my body just gave out. I ended up in the hospital and put on a bag of medicine. Yes, I said a bag, which over time, was about 60 different pills.

Because of the pills, I got high blood pressure diabetes. They wanted to give me kidney dialysis, and to top it all off, I weighed 200 pounds. They wanted me to be restrained to a wheel chair and on oxygen.

In time, I went through 3 divorces, and my children couldn’t be with me for a while because I couldn’t take care of them. I couldn’t take care of myself!

Their lives have been messed up, but I’m praying for them. All of this I can see was the result of a bad childhood. {One son has received the Lord!}

One day looking back on my life, I remembered the one happy moment in my life. It seemed like a moment, but it was actually a couple of years.

It was when I was about 15 years old, when my sister asked me to go to church with her. I gave my heart to the Lord, and then stayed alone at my mom’s house.

I went into the bedroom one day, and decided I was gonna clean myself up.

I lay on the floor of the bedroom on a mattress, and there I asked God to help me. I detoxed all the medicine out of my system.

The only way to describe how I felt and what I went through, was I thought I was gonna die.

When it was over, I saw that God had kept me alive. All I can say is, God saved me from death.

I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror and I saw that I look old. You see, when I got sick and broken down, I was in my young 20 s, now I was in my 40s and don’t remember aging. I don’t remember hardly anything.

In that time frame, when I realized I was old, I kind of went into shock, asking myself and God, ‘How did this happen. How did I get old?’

When I detoxed with His help, all my addictions of drugs were gone. All of the medical problems I had were gone.

When I had told the doctors I was going to detox the medicine, they said it would kill me, and I wouldn’t live through it. And even if I did it, I’d never be normal again.

God proved them all wrong! He has the last say.

A few short years later, I started going to church and building a wonderful relationship with the Lord. I thank Him for saving me from that horrible life!

The Lord has given me a ministry of my own, and I’ll serve Him as often as opportunities arise.

I’m grateful every day for the life He has given back to me, better than it ever was. I thank Him daily for every breath I take, and for loving me, and for forgiving me. I am so happy now.

When I worship Him, I feel like I have wings. I feel like I could fly. If I was back in the Bible days, I believe I would have also been one to step out of the boat and walked on the water to Jesus!

I can’t really put into words how God has changed my life, but I know I’ll never be the person I was, for I know now that I am a new person in Christ.

It is because of what He did 2,000 years ago on the Cross for me. He took my sins, and bore them to Hell in my stead. He was then raised up to New Life. Christ’s Spirit came to dwell in me when I asked Him to, so I am now a partaker of this New Life. Praise God!

If you want God to forgive you of your sins, and make a new person of you, repent of your sins, acknowledge Jesus as God’s way of salvation, and ask Him to come into your heart. He’ll give you His New Life. He is Faithful to save you, my friend! Find a Bible-believing church and go regularly.

I pray God’s blessing on everyone who reads this testimony. I hope to see you in heaven!"

Wounded, Broken, and Abused by Tammie Johnson (Used by permission)

(Google images added)

Let’s pray:

Father, help us connect with Tammie's message, either for ourselves, or for those we know who have lived all of this.

Our hearts go out to these folks, and we ask for Your healing balm to sooth their hurts with the knowledge that Jesus will heal them.

Lead them to find folks who will help them discover the help that is found in You and Your Word. May they find a Bible-preaching church nearby them, and get connected there.

May the folks there reach out to them with words that help them find Your love for them.

"Lord, open my eyes to the hurts, needs, and struggles of a world that is so desperately in need of Your love. Help me to be Your instrument to inject that love into hurting lives." Our Daily Bread (11/20/13)

In Jesus' precious Name we pray. Amen.

Today's quote: Starr Ayers - "God, our Creator, looked on all He made, and it was good. We are His masterpiece―the pinnacle of His creation. It must sadden Him when we view ourselves differently than He does. We are created to do good works through our relationship with Him in Christ. It must grieve him when we minimize our assignment, our role.

The enemy is out to destroy our God-given tasks. He is out to destroy us. It is essential that we resist the destructive words of the enemy and follow our instructor’s detailed plan. We are a team. And as we work in tandem, we truly know perfection."

Max Lucado - "God’s plotting for our good. In all the setbacks, He is ordaining the best for our future. Every event of our day is designed to draw us toward our God and our destiny. When people junk you in the pit, God can use it for good. When family members sell you out, God will recycle the pain. Falsely accused? Utterly abandoned? You may stumble but you will not fall. You will get through this!" From You’ll Get Through This

Our Daily Bread – "Nothing costs as much as caring—except not caring.”

Today’s Bible verse: 2 Sam. 22:33 "God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect."

Some thoughts today: Life tends to get our minds off of Christ and His plan for us. There is a "now" with God. We are to be learning from others, daily prayer, reading His Word, and meeting with God's people.

- A word of knowledge is a gifting of information for the moment.

- What Jesus wants is for us to grow in sweetness year by year.

Tuesday's post: #43 The Issue of Gift Projection
C. Peter Wagner

Thursday's post: #44 Inflicting False Guilt
C. Peter Wagner
Saturday's post: An Occasion with a Lasting Impression
Jean Oathout
Sunday's post: When We Cry Out to God
Dr. Charles Stanley

A popular post: God is Enough Max Lucado tells us, "Most anxiety stems, not from what we need, but from what we want.